Planning Your Wedding Ceremony? Here's What You Actually Need to Decide. And What You Don't!

When you first start planning your wedding, the number of decisions can feel overwhelming. There are venues to visit, suppliers to choose, outfits to organise, guest lists to tackle and then there's the ceremony itself.

What music should we have?

Do we need readings?

Who should walk down the aisle?

How long should it be?

Should we write our own vows?

Do we need a ritual?

Who should take part?

And suddenly, something that should be one of the most beautiful parts of your wedding can start to feel like another long list of decisions.

But here's the thing: you don't have to do everything.

Your ceremony doesn't need to follow a set formula. It doesn't need to look like anyone else's ceremony. And it certainly doesn't need to include something simply because you've been told it's what you're "supposed" to do.

So, if you're planning your wedding ceremony, here's what you actually need to think about and, more importantly, what you really don't.

What you DO need to decide

1. What do you want your ceremony to feel like?

This is probably the most important question and one couples don't always ask themselves. Do you want it to be romantic and emotional? Relaxed and fun? Intimate and heartfelt? A mixture of all three?

Before thinking about readings, rituals or music, think about how you want the two of you and your guests to feel during the ceremony.

That feeling can guide so many of your other decisions.

2. Who is going to conduct your ceremony?

Your ceremony can be conducted in different ways depending on what you want and the legal requirements of your wedding. If you're choosing a celebrant, take some time to think about the person as well as the service they offer.

Of course, your wedding budget matters, and price will be a consideration when choosing your suppliers. But when it comes to your celebrant, I wouldn't recommend making your decision based on price alone. Your celebrant will be standing with you throughout one of the most important moments of your day. They will be telling your story, guiding you through the ceremony and helping to create the atmosphere for those first moments of your married life.

So, think beyond the price tag.

Do you connect with them?

Do you like their style?

Do they listen to what you want?

Do you feel that they understand you as a couple?

Can you imagine feeling completely comfortable standing in front of them on your wedding day?

Ask questions. Have a conversation. Find out exactly what is included in their service and, importantly, what the experience of working with them will be like.

The cheapest option may save you money, but a celebrant who is right for you should bring value far beyond the time they spend standing at the front of the room on your wedding day. Choose someone you trust, someone you connect with and someone you can genuinely see helping you create a ceremony that feels like you.

3. What do you want to say to each other?

Your vows don't have to be a ten-minute declaration of your undying love.

They can be heartfelt, funny, personal, short, long, traditional or completely your own words. And if the thought of writing your own vows fills you with dread, don't worry, you don't have to write them yourself.

One option that many couples don't realise they have is repeat-after-me vows. Your celebrant can guide you through your promises, one line at a time, so you simply repeat the words back. You still get to make personal promises to each other without having to worry about writing them from scratch or remembering everything on the day.

You can also work with your celebrant to create vows that are personal to you and your relationship, even if you're not writing every word yourself.

If you do want to write your own vows, think about the promises you genuinely want to make to each other rather than trying to write something that sounds like it belongs in a romantic film. And remember, your vows don't have to be perfect. They just need to sound like you. Whether you write every word yourself, repeat after your celebrant, or use a combination of the two, the important thing is that the promises you make are meaningful to you as a couple.

4. Do you want readings?

You can have them.

You can also have none.

A reading can be a lovely way to involve someone special, but you don't need to include three poems and a passage from a favourite book simply because that's what you've seen at other weddings. If you do choose a reading, make it meaningful to you.

It could be a poem, a piece of literature, song lyrics, something humorous, or even something written especially for you.

5. Who do you want to involve?

There are lots of opportunities to include the people you love in your ceremony.

Parents, siblings, children, grandparents and friends amd there are plenty of ways to give someone a meaningful role, whether that's a reading, a ceremony ritual, a special entrance, a blessing or simply a moment that acknowledges their importance to you.

But you don't have to include everyone.

And if you're not sure how to involve someone, this is where a good celebrant can really help. You don't need to arrive with all the answers. An experienced celebrant will get to know you, understand the people who are important to you and can suggest meaningful ways to include them that feel natural to your ceremony. Choose the people who genuinely matter to you and think about a role that feels right for them and for you rather than giving someone a job simply because you feel you should.

Sometimes the most meaningful involvement isn't about giving someone a formal role at all. It can be about finding a small, personal moment that makes them feel part of your day.

And now for the important part...

What you DON'T have to decide

You don't have to have a reading.

You don't have to write your own vows.

You don't have to have a unity candle.

You don't have to have a handfasting.

You don't have to have a ring warming.

You don't have to have a particular number of people involved.

You don't have to make a grand entrance.

You don't have to have an incredibly emotional ceremony.

You don't have to follow a traditional order.

And you definitely don't have to include something simply because you've been told, "That's what everyone does."

If something has meaning for you, include it.

If it doesn't, leave it out.

It's really that simple.

What about rituals?

Rituals can be a beautiful addition to a ceremony when they have genuine meaning behind them. A unity ceremony, handfasting, wine box or another symbolic ritual can give you a moment during the ceremony that represents something important about your relationship. But don't choose a ritual simply because it looks nice in a Pinterest photo.

Ask yourselves:

"What does this actually mean to us?"

If you have a good answer, it might be perfect for your ceremony.

If you don't, you probably don't need it.

How long should the ceremony be?

This is one of the questions couples ask me a lot and my answer is usually: shorter than you think!

For most couples, I would suggest aiming for around 20–30 minutes. That's generally enough time to tell your story, exchange your vows, include the people who matter to you and create a ceremony that feels meaningful, without it starting to feel too long.

Of course, there are no hard and fast rules. Some couples want a short and intimate ceremony, while others may want to include more family stories, readings, music, rituals or cultural traditions. The important thing is not to add elements simply to make the ceremony longer. Your guests don't need to sit through a long ceremony for it to feel important. In fact, a well-crafted 25-minute ceremony can feel incredibly personal and memorable when every part of it has a purpose. So rather than asking, "How long should our ceremony be?", perhaps ask:

"What do we want to include, and how long does it take to tell our story properly?"

That's a much better place to start. When you're planning your wedding, it's very easy to get caught up in what other people are doing.

You see another couple's ceremony and think:

"Should we do that?"

You see a beautiful ritual online:

"Maybe we need one of those."

Someone tells you:

"You have to have a reading."

And before you know it, your ceremony has become a collection of other people's ideas.

Instead, start with the two of you.

What matters to us?

What feels like us?

What do we want our guests to remember?

And perhaps most importantly:

What can we leave out?

Because the most memorable ceremonies aren't necessarily the ones with the most elements. They're the ones where every element has a reason for being there.

Your ceremony, your way Your wedding ceremony should be more than the part of the day you have to get through before the party starts.

It is the moment when you stand in front of the people who matter most and make the promises that begin the next chapter of your lives together.

So give it some thought.

Make it personal.

Make it meaningful.

Make it fun if that's who you are.

Make it emotional if that's what feels natural.

And if something doesn't feel like you?

You don't have to do it.

That's the beauty of creating a ceremony that is truly yours.

So, if you are planning your ceremony and not sure where to start?That's exactly where I come in. I'll help you create a ceremony that's personal, meaningful and completely your own, without the stress!

Shirley Ryan Celebrant | Limerick & Nationwide